Category Archives: Random Ranting

Top 5 Reasons Earth Beats Pandora

So I read on earlier this week that there are online support groups for people who are too depressed to go on living here on Earth now that they’ve seen the wonders of Pandora.

I think it’s pretty clear that I am no great fan of James Cameron’s morality cartoon Avatar. And I do hate to beat a dead horse…but you have got to be kidding me! Who are these ridiculous losers? Maybe they should stop posting in the chat rooms for long enough to look around at the completely amazing third rock from the sun that we call home.  

To all of you feeling the blues, I offer up this list of top 5 reasons why Earth kicks Pandora’s ass:

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Dear Talk about the Economy: Cut it out!

Financially irresponsible or not, sometimes we still want stuff.

I just saw Suze Orman accosting unsuspecting New York City shoppers on camera for Extra. I know, quality television. Anyway, she gave them all the third degree and if she discovered they had any credit card debt or were parents without life insurance or were young people who didn’t have a 401K, she pronounced them unworthy to own the items they had just purchased because they can’t afford it. And forced or guilted them into returning their items.

Please Suze, don't take my floppy sunhat and Havaianas.

Please Suze, don't take my floppy sunhat and Havaianas.

Now, I know the “Can I afford it?” segment is a popular one on her show. And I’m actually a pretty big fan of  Orman’s Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke. But if that loudmouthed, bottle-blonde, financial chippy had stopped me like that, I would have throttled her.

We get it! The economy has tanked. We wake up every morning to Jean Chatzky squawking about it on the Today show. We drink our afternoon Folgers crystals (can’t afford the latte anymore, right?) while reading Vogue cover lines chirp about how to be a “recessionista.” Now, it seems we can’t even get a little evening soul salve from A.C. (Slater, that is) interviewing L.C. on Extra without getting it thrown in our faces.

Take it from this girl who, thanks to too much CNBC, had dreams every night last November about standing in the bread line (in the worst one, I had to boil and eat my favorite pair of red, leather stilettos). WE GET IT!

D.O.A. = Death of Artistry?

It turns out that even hip-hop royalty is fed up with the current state of music. In his newest release “D.O.A: Death of Autotune,” Jay-Z calls bullsh** on all of the rappers (and I would add would-be singers) using excessive technology to pimp out their otherwise meritless tracks. I’m not normally HOV’s biggest fan but when he rhymed: “I know we facin’ a recession/But the music y’all making gonna make it the Great Depression,” I just about fell in love.

Will you marry me, Jigga?

Will you marry me, Jigga?

To be fair, he did kind of get the terminology wrong. So for those of you who might be wondering, here’s a little lesson:

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