Category Archives: My Life in Movies

Academy Awards 2011: Loved it, Hated It!

The end of awards season is such a bittersweet time for me. Because I review movies weekly, I see a lot of films throughout the year. But once the year-end lovefest begins, I make an effort to see the year’s best in earnest. I even saw all of the Oscar-nominated animated shorts this year. If you’re interested, I was rooting for The Gruffalo, one of three nominated films starring the insane wonder that is Helena Bonham Carter:

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Golden Globes: Loved it! Hated it!

Ah, awards season. It’s like Christmas for both clotheshorses and movie lovers. And I am both. Last night was The Golden Globes Awards ceremony. Aside from thinking that the Hollywood Foreign Press has lost it (really, nominations for Best Film Comedy/Musical for The Tourist and Burlesque? Did you see those movies, guys? Er, um. Okay.) and that Ricky Gervais’s new muscles have given him some sort of mean-spirited comedy ‘roid rage, the whole experience was pretty pleasant.

My favorite moments: the awards presented by Tilda Swinton. I love that crazy-pants broad, even if I haven’t seen I Am Love yet. Did you hear the way she rolled those “r’s” and popped those “p’s”? Did you hear her say televisual? TWICE? I even love that dress she was wearing, looking like an Obi Wan Kenobi-themed wedding dress at David’s Bridal. Yes! Tilda. Yes!

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Review Haiku: Black Swan

A Beautiful Mind
With pirouettes, bulimics,
And a cute pink coat.

Review Haiku: Blue Valentine

An intense romance
And NC-17 sex
But love disappears.

To see my longer review, click here.

A (Sort of) Love Letter to Adrien Brody

Dear Adrien,

Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man of Mine

I flat-out bawled when I saw you in The Pianist. I cheered aloud when you won your Oscar. I wished I was Halle Berry when you accepted it. Sometimes, I even dream of your perfect nose. What I’m trying to say is that I thought you and I had a good thing going.

Why are you doing this to me? And by “this,” I mean Splice.

Look, I’m willing to you give another chance. You’re the youngest winner of the Best Actor Academy Award ever. Act like it, goddammit.

With love,

P.S. Feel free to pass this note on to Halle Berry. I think you guys have met.

Top 5 Reasons Earth Beats Pandora

So I read on earlier this week that there are online support groups for people who are too depressed to go on living here on Earth now that they’ve seen the wonders of Pandora.

I think it’s pretty clear that I am no great fan of James Cameron’s morality cartoon Avatar. And I do hate to beat a dead horse…but you have got to be kidding me! Who are these ridiculous losers? Maybe they should stop posting in the chat rooms for long enough to look around at the completely amazing third rock from the sun that we call home.  

To all of you feeling the blues, I offer up this list of top 5 reasons why Earth kicks Pandora’s ass:

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re: A (Sort of) Love Letter

Dear Roxanne,

Do you still like Pandoran apples? Well, I just grossed $1 billion. How do you like them apples?

Love, Avatar