A (Sort of) Love Letter to Avatar

Dear Avatar,

Here’s the thing. I know you tried hard to be epic and game changing. You introduced me to a whole new language that didn’t even exist before. I totally respect that you were, like, 20 years in the making. And I know that other critics and audience members out there think that you’re smokin’ hot.

But I guess I just don’t feel…I think maybe we weren’t meant…What I’m really trying to say is I’m just not that into you.

Aww. Come on, Sam. No need to break out the heavy artillery.

Look, I happen to prefer a little more than just eye candy in my movies. I’m not saying you were stupid, just not intellectually complex or stimulating. You know what I mean? Your simplistic, overly reductive story is one I’ve seen and read before, only much better. Every time you started talking all I could think about were past loves like Dances With Wolves, Pocahontas, and even my brief but intense summer romance with District 9. I’m sure you felt it too and that’s just not fair to either of us, now is it?

Please don’t take it too hard. I’m sure there’s a girl out there for you. I mean you have Sam Worthington’s chiseled face and Zoe Saldana’s tots, after all. I want nothing but the best for you (unless, of course, you deprive more deserving pics like Precious, Crazy Heart, The Hurt Locker, Up in the Air, and 500 Days of Summer of their share of this season’s awards).

Maybe we just shouldn’t talk for a while. But I promise not to totally ignore you if I see you on cable in a few months.




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